Friday Fictioneers – Rainbow

Good morning!  I’m running behind this week – a case of too many things to do, and not enough time in which to accomplish them!  LOL  I would love critique on this short – not my best work – I knew what I wanted to say, but the words had a difficult time going down on paper.

Upon opening his eyes, Stanley looked in awe at the rainbow that arched itself over the other end of the forest and ran down into the very trees themselves.  The forest was beautiful, and he felt so lucky to live there!

Stanley stretched his limbs, yawned, and gave himself a good shake all over.  The air was cool, and the sky a vivid blue after last night’s storm.

For one brief moment the thought occurred to Stanley that he wished he could paint the picture in front of him, wished he could capture that moment in time forever.  Then Stanley gave a small laugh.  Whoever heard of a tree being able to paint like those odd creatures called humans!

Advertisements

11 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Scott Hays
    May 19, 2012 @ 15:56:44

    Hi, Julia … I enjoyed the twist you offered, and the unusual point of view through which you described the scene. During the first reading of your vignette, I began to suspect that Stanley wasn’t a person, although being a tree took me by surprise. Obviously, you succeeded in foreshadowing the reveal in the first two paragraphs. The line that first made me suspicious that he wasn’t human was when he gave himself a good shake all over. People, as a rule, don’t do that … at the same time, that line led me to think that he was a dog. The problem, I think, is that trees don’t shake themselves all over, either. Maybe if you could have put a small breeze or a light wind into the scene, and connected it to the stretching and shaking of his limbs (good word choice, there!). Hope that is the type of critique you are looking for … would you mind doing the same for mine? It’s quite a bit different; I was playing with some ideas but don’t know if it comes across as shallow because so much more needed to be said. If you have time, you’ll find it at http://scottcheck.blogspot.com/2012/05/rainbow-promises.html

    Reply

    • Julia Stevenson
      May 20, 2012 @ 12:40:23

      That is EXACTLY the kind of advice I was looking for, thanks! I was going for the unexpected, and decided that if a tree could laugh, yawn, stretch its limbs – well then why not give themself a good shake in the process? Duly noted about adding a breeze – I’ll keep it in mind next time around. 😀

      Reply

      • Scott Hays
        May 20, 2012 @ 15:32:34

        Hi Julia … thanks for commenting on my story, and I’m glad you liked it. I also wanted to thank you for the advice that you offered. Like you, I am relatively new to FF, and have looked at the 100 word limit as a challenge and as an important exercise. I tend to be overly verbose, and trying to communicate a feeling, a scene, a complete story (or whatever) in 100 words is really tough. I have therefore tried very hard to make each effort exactly 100 words long. Now, I know I can do it. A couple of others have suggested that the exact word count isn’t important … just tell the story and use as many words as necessary. I am not sure what Phineas Barnum’s retort might have been, had I allowed him to respond, but the first thing that comes to mind is “So long, and thanks for all the fish.”

  2. Melody Pearson
    May 19, 2012 @ 23:25:37

    Ok, I didn’t see that one coming. Nicely done. Here’s mine: http://melodypearson.com/flash-fiction/may-18-2012-rainbows/

    Reply

  3. Parul
    May 20, 2012 @ 02:04:31

    haha!
    Stanley stretched his limbs and gave himself a shake! I’d have loved to see that! 🙂

    Reply

  4. Kathy McClure
    May 20, 2012 @ 20:54:07

    Cute! I laughed because I thought at first it was Flat Stanley, (he’d JUST visited our house so I have sort of have Flat Stanley on the brain), but wondered why would he live in the forest? Then it all made sense! Limbs… good one. ‘)

    Kathy
    http://notforallmarkets.wordpress.com/2012/05/18/after/#comment-210

    Reply

  5. oni1138
    May 22, 2012 @ 11:02:09

    ha, great twist!! would love to be a tree sometimes 🙂

    Reply

  6. Atiya
    May 23, 2012 @ 01:48:51

    How clever, I didn’t even think your character would be a tree, I was leaning toward some kind of forrest creature though. Nothing in your story leaned toward that, just my runny head. I enjoyed this.

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Creative Writing with the Crimson League

Creative Writing Tips and Authorial Support from Fantasy Writer Victoria Grefer

Julia's Meanderings

A fine WordPress.com site

Along the way with Julia

Writing, creating, clothes, and eveything else that makes life matter!

Organization and Inspiration for Fellow Writers

The Os and Is of Writing: Organization tips and Inspiration for writers

Rosie Amber

Book Reviewer, Avid Reader and Bookworm. Campaigning to link more readers to writers. People do not forget books that touch them or excite them—they recommend them.

kgrahamjourneys

not all those who wander are lost

valeriu dg barbu

©valeriu barbu

Word Hunter

exploring the writing world

C.B. Wentworth

Just following my muse . . .

Writing Like Crazy

A writer's journey

Ashes and sparks, my words among mankind.

I write, not to be read, but for the pleasure of writing.

petrujviljoen

art, writing, reading

Textploits of the Writerly Persuasion

Tonette dela Luna ~ Writer, Storyteller, Avid Dreamer

/'kül/

That Sounds Cool

Rochelle Wisoff-Fields-Addicted to Purple

Growing older is inevitable. Growing up is optional.

pinionpost

Stories, mostly

Reflections

My writings of poetry, prose, inspiration and fiction

littlewonder2

Little wonder we stumble in life.

%d bloggers like this: