What I’ve learned

     So….here I am. Age 39, and I can no longer say that I “know what I want to do with myself when I grow up.” In fact, I don’t have a CLUE what I want to do with the rest of my life! On the one hand, I think it’s sad, but on the other hand, I have to wonder how many other people out there are in the same boat I’m in.
     I’ve always known what I wanted to do, although my choices did change along the way. When I was in high school I wanted to be an accountant. Why? Well….they made good money (which was important to me!), always had jobs, the accounting classes I took in high school were interesting, the whole accounting concept came easy to me, and…did I mention the good money they made? I was tired of being poor, tired of never having enough money, and determined to have a nice car, nice house, nice clothes… (the list went on).
     When I got into college I discovered that accounting wasn’t the money maker I had thought it was. I also discovered that in an economic downturn, accountants are some of the first jobs to go. I kind of wondered through my college years aimlessly, working odd jobs in education (because the hours worked out well with my classes) and trying to figure out what I wanted to do. I can’t really say that I ever really “decided” to go into teaching. I just kind of fell into it. I realized that most of my experience was in working with students in educational settings, I liked it, and there was a program offered that would help me finish up and finally get a college degree. So, I did it. I became a teacher. During my first six years of teaching, I really enjoyed my career. It wasn’t until my seventh year – last year – that I began to feel unsatisfied; discontented. I’m not sure whether it’s the educational field that’s changed, me that’s changed, or both. All I know for sure is that in my eighth year of teaching, I wake up every morning and dread going to work.
     So…here I am. I don’t know what life holds in store for me, but I’m beginning my search to find my “bliss”; to find out just what exactly I’m here for. What have I learned along the way? I’ve learned that what we think we know in our teens and twenties is oftentimes wrong. I’ve learned that what we think we know in our thirties can be wrong as well. And that, really, are the only things I can say I’ve learned along the way. It’ll be interesting to see where my life goes from here!

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